Class and lack thereof

Ok so it must be just me but i wonder constantly about the level of class or rather the lack of it in and around this world

Maybe I'm just a silly romantic but I think a huge black chunky dog collar to symbolize such a deep and enlightened bond is just tacky and if we all want to spout 'shock factor' I believe that's all it is good for, is pissing off the vanilla's or maybe I'm just too vanilla myself

I have a serious aversion to leather clad men who seem to have something to prove to everyone which only shows me insecurity (no offense intended to anyone) - what's wrong with a well manicured, handsome Dominant in a suit, now that is far sexier to me and bodes highly of confident and oozes class all the way

As is a collar crafted from gold that is elegant and graces her neck as opposed to a chunky harsh piece of leather that scrapes and chafes - rashes to me are not sexy nor elegant

The whole seduce her mind with intelligence, quiet confidence and eroticism as opposed to the 'get on your knees bitch' approach if that makes any sense.

I don't understand why, in all my searches around the net and in bookstores, I've yet to see any elegance, class or style that directly reflects something exceedingly special or the enlightenment that seems to be so prevalent amongst us all

I've not written this to piss anyone off and is only my personal thoughts so hold the flaming please - It may very well just be my own tastes but I can hardly think I'm alone in this?

I'm exactly the same :)

Take me out to dinner and charm me away, offer to pay for the meal and dress smart, and generally be elegant but at the same time dominant and I'll fall in a second

I'm a romantic at heart though, and even though I love doing things for a dominant and serve them, at the same time I love to be pampered as well and shown I'm appreciated - maybe with a bit of a kinky twists though hehe

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Originally Posted by mastersgem

Ok so it must be just me but i wonder constantly about the level of class or rather the lack of it in and around this world

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I don't think there's any way to make a blanket statement about the lifestyle. It could be that those who prefer subtleties just don't get as much attention. For example, I remember reading about a female executive who is a sub at home. She wore simple, thin gold bracelets and anklets every day that were given to her by her Dom - subtle enough to escape the notice of most people, but something that had a lot of meaning to her.

We all take what we want and leave the rest. I think there are as many variations on expression as there are people.

and I agree quietkarin and as in all my posts, it immediately gets taken to the extreme - I'm just saying that the prevalent view is of the harsh leather clad side - even among these boards - of course as in Everything about this lifestyle I would think it goes without saying - We each derive our own compilation - I get it!!! It's the answer to Every question on here isn't it - We are individual, We are unique, Only us can be us and on.....

But you can't tell me this isn't the main view, even among us - so maybe for once we can put the static answer away and come up with something else?

Is it just a fetish - Is it a statement to shock - Is is our 'brand' perhaps - something must attribute to this no?

A subtle collar of great beauty for everyday use...and a heavy iron one for play ;)

I also find it highly erotic to be naked in the presence of a man dressed in a suit.

As for leather clad men - only if they are riding a motorbike. I rather like the whole reveal as the rider, clad in full leather suit, pulls to a halt, climbs off his machine, takes off one glove and then his helmet, before running one hand through his hair. :cool:

I get what you mean. I think a lot of it has been the co-opting of BDSM-life into other subcultures besides our own... such as Goth. A Goth teenager will wear a chunky black collar for entirely different reasons that a middle-aged submissive does.

For some people, it is all about the shock factor.

I have always found a subtle simmering of sexual energy beneath the surface to be way sexier than the blatant in-your-face kind.

Believe me, gem, you are not alone. I've been in this lifestyle for 9 years and the only things that Master and I have that are made from leather are a collar that I occasionally wear for scenes and some of O/our toys. Maybe if W/we were in the public scene and hung out with other kinky people and went to clubs where leather gear was manditory, W/we might have more leather.

The collar I wear is a stainless steel one that looks more like a choker (unless you see the padlock on the back of it, which is usually covered by my hair). Other than seeing Master elad me around by my hair (long hair makes a great leash, BTW), you wouldn't know that I was a sub. I am also a Pagan, but I don't go around dressed in so-called "witchy" clothes, dripping in pentagrams (I do own some, I just don't wear them often). I don't advertise myself as a Pagan or as a sub. It might be because I live in the Bible Belt and I learned a long time ago not to draw attention to myself, because I don't like confrontation and I've always prefered to blend in with the woodwork.

I tend to agree with gem's assessment (and the other posters) in that "class" which I think in this sense means a certain "je ne sais quoi" or sophistication, goes hand in hand with the idea of personal grooming. I may get scathed for saying so, but not everyone is "well-suited" to wear the fetishistic leather gear we associate with BDSM. I recently surfed onto a website of a foreign nation's "klub" and the alumni photos depicted a group of balding middle-aged men who've obviously let their bodies go to pot (as it were) but were decked out in the full "gear" with studs, black leather straps, etc. and to my aesthetic eye, they simply looked silly if not unintentionally satirical. In sharply-tailored suits, they might have appeared as "captains of industry" -- as it was they looked pathetic, and certainly didn't invoke feelings of "wow, classy!"

I am a creature of sensual aesthetics and I admit freely that when in latex, or leather, satin or lace, a nice body can look very pleasing, indeed. That's not shallowness, simply an eye for the appropriate and while "inside" the person may not be someone I want to know, outside the image is appealing. But real class and sophistication go beyond the surface appearances -- it's attitude, experience, a certain sophistication about all things, and yet still being able to "slum" effectively among all classes and levels of society.

Take a bigot, a petty mind, crassness and put them in an Armani suit, you still don't have a formula for "a class act." Even if they may know which is the salad fork or the soup spoon.

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Originally Posted by GreyJack

I recently surfed onto a website of a foreign nation's "klub" and the alumni photos depicted a group of balding middle-aged men who've obviously let their bodies go to pot (as it were) but were decked out in the full "gear" with studs, black leather straps, etc. and to my aesthetic eye, they simply looked silly if not unintentionally satirical. In sharply-tailored suits, they might have appeared as "captains of industry" -- as it was they looked pathetic, and certainly didn't invoke feelings of "wow, classy!"

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exactly!!

I suppose whatever turns you on turns you on, and if leather is your thing? Hell, go for it. However, if what you're wearing or how you're acting is simply to shock? Then yeah, that lacks class and I think it also demeans the legitimacy of The Lifestyle. Same thing applies for religious symbolism, etc., as sisterhoney61 mentioned just above.

As for me personally? I ADORE a bad man in a good suit... ;) There are two instances I can think of right off the top of my head that are close to the most turned on I have EVER been. First, the night I walked into my apartment not knowing Master was going to be there. I opened the door, all my lights were off, one or two candles lit, and He was standing with His back to me silohetted in my patio door with all the city lights glowing beyond Him. He was wearing my favorite suit (with suspenders! Puurrrr...), had His hands crossed behind his back and was holding our flogger.

Second, the night I drove out of town to meet Him at the hotel He was staying at for business. The weather on the drive up had been sketchy, so I arrived a little frazzled. I knocked on the room door, wondering if I would be able to relax and have fun. The door opened and there was my handsome Dom decked out in His tuxedo. He had even gotten cuff links that looked like tiny little rope knots. To say the least, a great time was had by all... ;)

Am I totally out of the stream of this thought to suggest that the "attitude" that the collar (or other item) is worn with means more than the "action" of wearing it? Add to that, the fact that the attitude may very well dictate what the action of wearing is (thinking of Greyjack's bald leather clad guys here) as opposed to the action of selecting other things to wear.

It seems to me that I dress better when I dress to suit myself, with an eye to where I will be. If it is a suit, I will be comfortable in the suit, or I won't wear that one. If it is jeans and a flannel shirt, the same applies. I dress for my comfort, not for someone else's eyes to make me appear to be something or the other.

Of course, that's only the dress side of class, and there's so much more to it.....

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Originally Posted by Isabella King

As for leather clad men - only if they are riding a motorbike. I rather like the whole reveal as the rider, clad in full leather suit, pulls to a halt, climbs off his machine, takes off one glove and then his helmet, before running one hand through his hair. :cool:

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LOL you been fantazising again????
but I totally agree with you there... nothing like a man in full leathers easing of the back of a bike removing his helmet... then seductively eating an aero bubble... stating that the start of melting point is normal body temperature LOLOL

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Originally Posted by DowntownAmber

As for me personally? I ADORE a bad man in a good suit... ;) There are two instances I can think of right off the top of my head that are close to the most turned on I have EVER been. First, the night I walked into my apartment not knowing Master was going to be there. I opened the door, all my lights were off, one or two candles lit, and He was standing with His back to me silohetted in my patio door with all the city lights glowing beyond Him. He was wearing my favorite suit (with suspenders! Puurrrr...), had His hands crossed behind his back and was holding our flogger.

Second, the night I drove out of town to meet Him at the hotel He was staying at for business. The weather on the drive up had been sketchy, so I arrived a little frazzled. I knocked on the room door, wondering if I would be able to relax and have fun. The door opened and there was my handsome Dom decked out in His tuxedo. He had even gotten cuff links that looked like tiny little rope knots. To say the least, a great time was had by all... ;)

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*growls in envy @ Amber* damn gurl, now that's what i'm talking about *wicked grin*

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Originally Posted by crazy_grrluk

LOL you been fantazising again????
but I totally agree with you there... nothing like a man in full leathers easing of the back of a bike removing his helmet... then seductively eating an aero bubble... stating that the start of melting point is normal body temperature LOLOL

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OMG! The Aero ad. He is sort of edible, isn't he? :)

Yes I agree 100% mastersgem. I grew up in the 70s, & I seem to remember people taking much more pride in their apperarance back then.

One thing I love about my wife, is that when she goes out- even just shopping, she gets dressed up & looks good enough to walk into a boardroom.

I've always had a problem with the way the D/s lifestyle is so often depicted-the basic bondage video where 'guy meets girl/guy ties up girl/guy whips & has sex with girl' pretty much leaves me cold.

Subtlety is so very important- I much prefer the quiet gentle version of D/s- you can always turn the heat up.... :rolleyes:

as far as class goes, I have next to none, but wasn't the Marquis de Sade kinda classy and he turned out to be a total freak behind closed doors. so don't judge just cause I look like a jackass in a monkey suit. personally I think you could have tons of class and wear leather just cause you shouldn't eat the steak and never use the skin.

lol whipping while having sex is fun though

I wore 3 piece suits for years with $100 ties and lovely boots that spoke of power. I had standing offers after each lecture of which ladies wanted to mmmm socialize but I was in a commited relationship so never took advantage of the offers.

Made coming home quite an event, business manager dropping me off at the house and finding one or two slaves there to greet me kept me where I wanted to be.

Today I look good in a dress shirt tie and a blazer with nice slacks. May post a photo or two

I don't care for suits. They just don't look good to me. Nor does gold jewelry. It's all personal taste.

And my leather collar has never scraped or chafed me.

each to their own, i personally dont like the leather outfits but the fact that im veggie might have something to with that.

my collar is stainless steel and what we think is 'classy' but thats what we like whearas others might think it tacky and if they do then thats their choice,and some people in the lifestyle think it tacky that subs wear collars 24/7 full stop.

i have black rubber collars and cuff sets and posture collar which i dont wear in public and i also have 'slutty' clothing for private and for pics and on the odd occasion ive worn them at fetish fairs and such and fancy dress partys are a great excuse lol...its fun and a bit of a thrill.
and generally thats when you do tend to see people in full gear,pics,vids,fetish places and partys its very rare you see them strutting their stuff in tescos.

as for the shock factor,ive seen quite a few people here love exhibitionism myself included,doesnt that cause a bit of a shock? couldnt that be called a bit tacky? and being honest is that part of the kick of it?

Classy is nice. I personally aren´t much for the leathergear but I do wear a thick leather wristband every day cause I like the feel and look of it.
A collar for play is completely different than one that is used for everyday use in my opinion anyways. If I had wanted a collar for my girl then it would be a nice thin either steel or leather one with a nice lock in the back. I definitely like the subtle look of one like those.
On the other hand I do love a heavy leather collar for play.

Nothing offends my eye more than ill fitting PVC. Just because somebody clears the dress code at a kinky party, doesn't mean they're tasteful or even remotely sexually exciting.

There's a few stores in London who specialize in classy BDSM gear. I forget their names in my flu infested brain. But there are fetish clothing for the aesthetically aware. They're just extraordinarily expensive. I spent €900 on a rubber pin stripe suit.

Wandering around Covent Garden I found a fetish store with a Victorian theme. Mostly leather and feathers... and of course lingerie. Even here extraordinarily expensive, but oh my... the stuff was simply divine.

I'm a total sucker for pretty BDSM things, which has set my bank account back many thousands of euros.

But I like chunky leather collars because they are so offensive to the eye. It's part of the allure for me. It's a part of the humiliation and submission to carry it.