"Broken Arms" . . .Subs Only

Dear Subs,
The purpose of this thread is to ask you to respond to the predicament of a sub who kept asking for more and more stringent punishment (not from me), failing to use her safeword, getting carried away with the moment, to the point that she was seriously injured. She so wants to yield herself that she is fearful she will repeat the actions which led to her injury. She is just now recovering and is thinking of resuming D/s activities. Should she, and if so what should she do any differently, knowing how easily she gets carried away. I'm posting this for her and will post any of her thoughts she tells me, unless and until she begins posting herself. Thoughtful responses please.
Top Rock

Quote:

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Originally posted by Top-Rock
Dear Subs,

The purpose of this thread is to ask you to respond to the predicament of a sub who kept asking for more and more stringent punishment (not from me), failing to use her safeword, getting carried away with the moment, to the point that she was seriously injured.

Thoughtful responses please.
Top Rock

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Such self-destructive behavior warrants professional counselling, just like anorexia or bulimia, not the sort of pseudo-psychological babble that she's likely to encounter from some of the denizens of our dark corner of the world.

Seriously.

If you're her friend, please tell her so.

Thanks,

Boccaccio

I am not sure what is the emotional state of your sub, but you might have a problem on your hands that needs to be resolved with professional help ASAP. There are many people who would say that physical pain is easier to handle then emotional pain, that is why sometimes when someone goes through trauma or just is very unhappy, so unhappy that it hurts them on the inside, it's like their soul is in pain.

In those situations many would start harming themselves not with the idea to harm, but to feel that physical pain, because then the person can concentrate on the physical pain rather then on the emotional.

As I said I do not know what your sub feel or thinks, but if the case is similar to this, it can be very dangerous since in a vanilla relationship such a problem can be easily noticed and dealt with. But when pain is a part of everyday life, you might not know if she needs it for sexual gratification or to block out her emotional suffering. Please talk to her and ask her why does she need it. If you believe you can handle it then do so and if not then seek professional help. In either case do not ignore it.

Just to clarify: She was not my sub when she was injured, and has not been anyone's sub since, though she says she still is a sub.

Sorry for the misunderstanding. But, my reply still applies, just maybe not to you, rather to the person she is with. Or to someone who is close to her.

I can relate to your submissive friend. I think it is presumptious for those in here to assume she has selfdestructive tendencies and needs help. That may be true.. and you know her, and can probably decide if you think that is true. But without knowing her, just the fact that a scene went wrong does not mean she is the problem.
The most important thing is careful selection of who such a sub plays with. I have almost never safeworded. I have had one occasion where i was seriously hurt, althouth i did not require hospitalazation as your sub did.. and another time, while I was owned by a former master, we were not even playing but he gave me an order and told me to shutup when i asked questions, and only caught himself at the last minute as i went to comply with an order that would have hospitalized me.
Limits are, to say the least, not my strong suit. These are some of the limits that do work for me, within my slaves mindset.
I must be, and feel, listened to and heard. This is important, becuase, having the personality of a slave, i am not likely to push and insist on being heard. If someone i am subbed out to, or someone i have accepted as Master, tells me to shut up and take it, i do. So it is important that i play with someone who is capable of working to hear me.
I feel that my Master owns all of me, and that includes my thoughts and feelings. So communicating with my Master is how I give him access to that part of his property. Not to do so is to deny him his property.
In general, on the rare ( like, 3 or 4 in my lifetime) occasions i have safeworded, it has been for this reason: I am willing to safeword in order to breifly stop a scene in order to tell my Dom something I am not sure he knows. The one time i got seriously hurt I safeworded becuase I did not think that my Top knew that his whip was wrapping around me and hitting me in the kidney. Unfortunatly, He was impatent with the fact that i was crying and that made communication harder, and told me to shut up and take it. He was horrified later when he saw that he had been hitting my kidneys, but if he had taken the time to let me calm down and to listen to me when i safeworded, that would not be a problem.
In both the above cases ( only one did i safeword. the other, we were not in scene, my master at the time gave me an everyday order which i clearly saw was conterindicated by serious medical concerns, but when i tried to question him he told me to shut up, he wouldn't do anything to hurt me) , we are not in either case talking about men who were bad men, bad tops or maybe not even nescarrily bad Doms. But they were never meant to owns slaves.
Your friend is probably a slave, in her personality makeup, in her mindset, and in her heart. That is just a guess, of course, i do not know her.
another limit which worked well for me before finding my lifetime owner, is, 'no marks that are going to last longer than the person inflicting them'. This limit i was able to internallize becuase, as a slave, i felt i was meant to be someonelses property. I did not know who he was yet, but i could see this limit as a matter of preserving his property for him till he was there to claim it.
Again, the most important thing is great care taken in who she plays with. I would suggest that you might offer to mentor her, and to approve her playmates. As her mentor, you should set limits for those who you do allow her to play with. You might even consider insisting on being in the room the first time she plays with someone, so you can safeword for her, if nescarry. My Lord does like us to play with other couples, but he never allows me to play with a Dom without him there, unless it is someone we have played with enough times for him to completely trust him, becuase he knows he can not trust me to safeword.
Thank you for caring enough about a slave to post this thought, and I wish her the best in her search. If she would like another slavehearted woman to talk to, she or you are always welcome to email me at tsatske@earthlink.net.

GdRsDiamond

GdRsDiamond,
Your post is insightful and provides the type of help I was hoping to locate for my friend. I have sent her a copy of your post in the expectation that she will contact you.
This is not to denigrate those who have reasonably suggested she seek professional counseling. But my friend desires to remain a sub if possible, and counselors and medical providers may not complement her wishes.
Top-Rock

smiles* my first post.
i agree with a lot of what GdRsDiamond posted in her response, but there is one other point to look at. Is she in a state, at that time that she is unable to tell that she is reaching a danger point? If so then would she be unable to safeword. Master and i have talked of this many times. i do agree she needs a friend with her to watch for her untill they know how she responds to certin things and she needs a friend to talk to one that she trusts and can go to that point in her mind to find out where she is, that she does not know that she may be getting hurt badly. There are lots of differant ways to look at it. But with out knowing her or those around her it is very hard to say what will help her.