Tops and Bottoms

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10-22-2005
Jeneric

Tops and Bottoms

Hello everyone :) I'm fairly new to the forums on this end but am quite active in the Academy. I've posted these questions over on that side and I figured it wouldn't hurt to get some opinions over here as well. Seems to be a lot more of you guys on this end.

Anyway, here goes:

Is it common for tops/doms/etc to have once been bottoms/subs/etc? And do you think that makes for a better top/dom to have experienced the other side first?

Are there any "classes" to learn to be a dom/top or is it mainly by apprenticeship?

Thanks!! Looking forward to some feedback.

~ Jen
10-22-2005
Sweetsboi

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeneric

Hello everyone :) I'm fairly new to the forums on this end but am quite active in the Academy. I've posted these questions over on that side and I figured it wouldn't hurt to get some opinions over here as well. Seems to be a lot more of you guys on this end.

Anyway, here goes:

Is it common for tops/doms/etc to have once been bottoms/subs/etc? And do you think that makes for a better top/dom to have experienced the other side first?

Are there any "classes" to learn to be a dom/top or is it mainly by apprenticeship?

Thanks!! Looking forward to some feedback.

~ Jen

Jen:

i personally have always said it makes or a better Top/Dom/etc to have been a bottom/sub/etc first. They get a full range of knowledge and know how the bottom/sub/etc feels and can put Themselves in the place of the sub/bottom/etc when during a scene.

As for places to learn: there are places that will teach you, even professional Dom/mes that will take you in for a price. However, i do not see anything wrong with apprentiship, if both parties are truly dedicated to the education of said Dom/Top/etc then it is just as good as professional training.

But, there are some who believe it is better the other way around because you have the perstiage of saying: "I was trained by so-so or at such and such school of training". i have never been one for "pointing fingers" so to speak.

my training as a boy/bottom/sub came from a very young age, then by a very knowledgable Mistress. Then I went though a really rough spot in my life and I decided I was never going to let go of control again and trained to be a Dom.

However, i did come to the conclusion that i truly was a switch within these's Daddy cloths and found another Switch to partner with. Then came the day my partner decided She was more Mistress/Top then She was bottom and She flipped me *smile*. i am now collared and tagged forever to serve my beloved Mistress.

sweetsboi
10-23-2005
her_Joe

Perhaps those who change so completely were/are switches at heart? Most, I would think, attracted to this life are attracted because they find in their hearts the need to submit, or to be dominate ... so they would probably start in that way.

That said, I'm a fan of switching, no matter my preferences. I may not be submissive by personality, but the more I can relate to my sub's feelings and experiences, the better I will be as her Dom. I'm eager to try switching -- frankly, I don't know if I have what it takes and am eager for the challenge.

her_Joe
10-23-2005
BDSM_Tourguide

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeneric

Is it common for tops/doms/etc to have once been bottoms/subs/etc? And do you think that makes for a better top/dom to have experienced the other side first?

Are there any "classes" to learn to be a dom/top or is it mainly by apprenticeship?

Hi Jen,

I was going to post a response to this when you posted it over at the Academy, but the Nazis that run that place still haven't seen fit to lift their censorship over me.

Now, you might want to sit down for this, because what I say next might come as a shock to you: I started out as a submissive myself. At first, it was what seemed to fit for me, but as I grew I realized that I enjoyed that aspect of thigns less and less. So, about six years or so ago, I decided to try the other side of the fence. And let me tell you, it fit me like a glove.

Of course, nowadays, I don't really get to do much of anything. The whole having a two-year old thing really cuts into the time I can spend actually doing anything BDSM related.

As for classes: No. Not really. Most of what I learned was from books and a lot of trial and error. However, a little common sense goes a long way in this business. There are mentors and trainers available for domiannts, but unless you know where and how to find them, they might prove daunting to find. Most communities are fairly well guarded about whome they mentor.
10-23-2005
TheThinMan

Quote:

Originally Posted by her_Joe

Perhaps those who change so completely were/are switches at heart? Most, I would think, attracted to this life are attracted because they find in their hearts the need to submit, or to be dominate ... so they would probably start in that way.

People change.
10-24-2005
her_Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheThinMan

People change.

Oh, yeah. That, too.

her_Joe
10-31-2005
Dara

I was a sub once, all I'm going to say on the matter is it was not through choice or enjoyable in any way. As for help, in a way it taught me everything NOT to do but nothing else.
11-05-2005
Jeneric

Thanks :-)

Some great advice guys, thanks for taking the time to post.

My husband is very very interested in pursuing the Top side of things while I am quite happy with my submissiveness. As we have both always been submissive, this will be a new journey for both of us. It's a bit awkward at the moment but Im sure with time, we will find out what works for us.

Thank you again :D

~ Jen