When Doms hit on Dommes

[ValKyrie]

What's the deal?
Is it the spirit of the chase or fun in knowing that it will get no where?

I wondered why Dominant males would repeatedly approach Dominant females.

I and some of my other Domme friends have shared similar experiences and have our own ideas, but I wondered if any of the men and women here would care to share their ideas/experiences on the matter.

(No, no one here has approached me in this fashion which is why I chose this BB to bring up the discussion.)

Mistress Val

[BDSM_Tourguide]

I know several dominant couples. Mostly, they carry out their DS relationships away from their relationship, unless they happen to be playing at the same party or using their submissives together in some fashion.

Typically, it works out fine. It's just a non-standard form of relationship is all.

[ValKyrie]

Well, I am involved with my lover, partner, submissive and friend. I am not looking for anyone at this juncture. This is common knowledge at another BB I visit and yet, I keep getting approached by Dominant males.

Interesting.....

[Gallardo]

Speaking for myself, it is a great turn on to break an unbreakable/unwilling woman so to speak. Forced, non-consensual domination of an once confident and strong woman is a favorite fantasy of mine. It's similar to male students raping a female gym (karate) teacher but it doesn't have to be physical. In fact, I prefer the woman to break down mentally or both. Forced to submit body and soul =P

Maybe this helps?

[Learn Humility]

I'd agree with that.

Although I've never attempted to Dom a Domme, in general, the greater the challenge, the greater the satisfaction.

[AndrewBlack]

Maybe you look great and they just fancy you?

[masterkurt]

I had a one year relation with a girl (I was 42 she was 36) and, of course, I started talking also about my kinky sides, to find out whther she could be interested.

To my surprise she showed herself very ibterested, but not in submitting herself, much more in having a female slave available.

So I started to talk to her about caroline ... she wanted to know every detail and many times we had terrific sex talking about caroline's tortures and humiliations.

After I while I proposed to her (Sabry) to actually share the slave and enjoy it together. She accepted and, while I was on a business trip abroad they had the first telephone contact and arranged for a date. caroline was at the sea side with her children ... Gabry visited her late in the evening, when the children were already sleeeping and enjoyed a slave for the first time, whipping her softly, having her own feet licked and adored by caroline and experiencing for the first time oral sex by another woman.

The next day she called me and told me all details about their meeting, howmuch fun she had and asking me to go to a sex-shop and buy some large dildo she wanted to use on the slave.

Few days after we had our first threesome and we enjoyed the salve together sexually and sadically.

So we found out that a couple of 2 dominant persons could be very satisfactory, provided we had a slave female to enjoy and use.

We played many more times with caroline until our relation broke off, for completely other reasons (SM is not everything in life).

Still we got in contact again a couple of years later and she asked me whether she could borrow caroline from time to time, to enjoy her, alone, or with her new BF. caroline and I agreed and she was invited a couple of time to dinner by Sabry ... that is, to serve dinner and after dinner as a slave

Other times we met again, alone or with other friends, just to enjoy caroline together.

Besisdes this personal experience I have known other dominant couple who enjoyed very much their life together and any chance of having a slave as a common toy and pet. Mark and Helen, for instance, who rented caroline once in a while as a gift to each other...

Therefore I believe that two dominants can make a very good working couple and enjoy BDSM atogether a lot.

[slavelucy]

Sheesh, yeah, how annoying ValKyrie...

i'm not sure what TG amd Master Kurt are referring to is the same sort of thing...that, to me, seems to be a mutual thing...and the way i read ValKyrie's post, she is referring to dominant men constantly approaching dominant women, despite being rebuked repeatedly.

Having said that, it depends on what you mean...do you mean they approach you in the sense of wanting to dominate you?? Or just in the sense of..*thinks*...well, i dunno, coming on to you? If it's the former, then i don't actually think they are true dominants at all or they would have some respect for the fact that you are also dominant and not open to being dominated.

i also think (and this is only a personal opinion) a proportion of 'dominant' men seem to secretly harbour submissive desires, which, for whatever strange reason, they don't feel comfortable openly expressing. They have an interest in BDSM generally and feel it is somehow more 'fitting' to label themseleves dominant (which is shame), but go on to come on to Dommes or attempt to suddenly switch in a scene (or even in an o/l chat)...trust me when i say this is annoying to submissives as it is to Dommes!

Finally, i think some folks are just interested in BDSM and generally kinky...not that there is anything wrong with being kinky (for want of a much better term) or just being 'into' BDSM without really knowing where you 'fit'....but it causes a great deal of confusion when that person tries to pour themselves into a mould for the sake of labelling.

sl

[GaryWilcox]

i'm not sure what TG amd Master Kurt are referring to is the same sort of thing...that, to me, seems to be a mutual thing...and the way i read ValKyrie's post, she is referring to dominant men constantly approaching dominant women, despite being rebuked repeatedly.

I guess it could be a desire to submit to the other dominant, or it could be just finding something about the other dominant attractive and interesting despite their orientation... or it could be just having really poor judgement and methodically hitting on anyone that strikes their fancy.

It depends on where it's coming from, and the only way to really understand it is through dialogue. Could be someone like Kurt, who has something to share. But then again, maybe ValKyrie doesn't want to share. Regardless, this is kind of a fuzzy area even in a BDSM circle, so I'd be very interested in hearing what kind of future dialogue or conclusions you (or others similarly pursued) infer from this.

While conventional wisdom indicates it's probably the 'methodically hitting on anyone' scenario, you never know what's around the corner until you peek. If you're happy where you are, and don't want to risk having a dominant whine for attention (!), just be firm from the beginning and say, "No trolls please." If you're curious, I don't think any real harm can come from a conversation. You might make a good friend, someone who you can respect and respect you, a buddy in the craft.

Don't think you're looking for advice in that arena, ValKyrie, but that's how I'd approach it.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Speaking for myself, it is a great turn on to break an unbreakable/unwilling woman so to speak. Forced, non-consensual domination of an once confident and strong woman is a favorite fantasy of mine. It's similar to male students raping a female gym (karate) teacher but it doesn't have to be physical. In fact, I prefer the woman to break down mentally or both. Forced to submit body and soul =P

Maybe this helps?

Yeah, I have seen a few boobs in chat before think they're going to "conquer" the dominant female and make her their slave before. You could always tell the ones that were dealing with women that were sure of themselves and that knew exactly what they wanted, because they were the ones that got sent packing and disappointed.

[BDSM_Tourguide]

Maybe you look great and they just fancy you?

I'm inclined to agree with this assessment, too.

[Gallardo]

It is precisely the fact of getting rebuked and rejected repeatdly that makes the chase all the more sweet. And Gary and Andrew make a good point.

[masterkurt]

Sorry, perhaps I misunderstood. I thought the question was whether a Dom and a Domme could make a good couple ....

Now I understand the question is "why do doms keep harrassing dommes" ...
well I can't say anything about this ... I did not even suspect that this happens so commonly ....

The only answer I can think is "because there are a lot of idiots around"

Someone may think that every woman MUST be a potential slave, so that there is a special challenge in trying to enslave a domme .... and this is already stupid ....

... add to this the fact that some individuals feel they must harrass any woman they come across and a domme is something "kinky" so it's even more compulsory to try hard ....

Of course there might be some chance that a Domme could have also submissive inclinations, esactly as someone pointed out that a Dom could be secretly looking for a mistress who may submit him .... there might be a chance, but it surely is not very likely.

I remember a Domme I met and who enjoyed my slave who suggested more than once that I could enjoy playing a submissive role with her, what I refused everytime with a lot of amusement.... I am not interested in male submissiveness, generally speaking and in myself as a slave in particular.

Anyone who speaks about "breaking" a woman into submissiveness only proves that he has very little experience and knows very little about women.

[sweetplymate]

Anyone who speaks about "breaking" a woman into submissiveness only proves that he has very little experience and knows very little about women.

this last line made me actually fall out of my chair laughing....simply because it is so true.

~sp

[ValKyrie]

Yeah, I have seen a few boobs in chat before think they're going to "conquer" the dominant female and make her their slave before. You could always tell the ones that were dealing with women that were sure of themselves and that knew exactly what they wanted, because they were the ones that got sent packing and disappointed.

This seems to be the scenarios that I find myself in.

Perhaps these particular Doms are truly into humiliation at the hands of a FemDomme!

[ValKyrie]

Speaking for myself, it is a great turn on to break an unbreakable/unwilling woman so to speak. Forced, non-consensual domination of an once confident and strong woman is a favorite fantasy of mine. It's similar to male students raping a female gym (karate) teacher but it doesn't have to be physical. In fact, I prefer the woman to break down mentally or both. Forced to submit body and soul =P

Maybe this helps?

Perhaps, the submissive for you is the woman who is a power person in her job, assertive in her daily life and when she comes home, begins on bended knee with eyes lowered?

Thank you for honesty, however, I don't believe in forced submission. I don't feel that it is truly submission if it needs to be forced, taken or the subbie is to be broken.

Regardless of the role that subbie was playing before she met you.

[Dngnkeeper]

This can cut both ways ValKyrie. There is many a time a Domme has suggested I would be a great submissive for her. When asked why I usually get a " I want to see how well you can handle me doing that" response. This usually comes after they have seen me working what they think is a particulary heavy scene.

I think some of it may be driven by the fact I grew up on the bottom and worked my way to the top. (pun intended) Some have even admitted that having toped a Dom would look good on the resume. A few are searching for bottoms/subs with some stamina and/or lots of training. (a rare comidity)

I even got luckey one night and overheard a conversation between two Dommes discussing a scene they would like to do with me. Ill never forget the look on their faces when I walked in with with a bunch of cufs and toys on how quickley that look changed when I tried to put it on one of them while describing the scene they had just concocked.

MasterKurt I couldnt agree more

Anyone who speaks about "breaking" a woman into submissiveness only proves that he has very little experience and knows very little about women.

Amen Brother

[Gallardo]

Heh. I see my fantasies have carried a bit too far. I have no idea why Doms would "hit on" Dommes in real life other than an attempt at fulfilling a fantasy. A fantasy which I share but have never acted upon in life. Following MasterKurt's wisdom, I think I leave it as fantasy. Maybe you can question those that approach you, Val? Spank an answer or two out of them. This reminds me of Iketeru Futari, not sure if you can get your hands on it.

[rallan]

Well they might just've read one too many Gor novels as a kid...

[Barton]

The word that you are looking for is "poser". The only kind of "dom" that would chase a domme is either that or is really a secret sub.

[Athenna]

May be it is a virus spreading in heads of unexperienced male Dominants??

:Chuckles :

Jokes apart, its the scenario i also find my self in.. all the time!!!

AconitE.

[ValKyrie]

Perhaps some people enjoy the power struggle and believe they truly can win?

Or perhaps some men believe unconditionally that a woman's place and a woman's needs can only be fulfilled as subbie? Hence, they feel a need to teach some of us renegade women a lesson or two.

I can understand some of the allure of topping a strong, independent individual. In fact, my own sub is a very strong, powerful man and yes, this fuels my fire.

However, I recognize a great amount of strength in how comfortable and confident he is with the power exchange as it occurs between us. Having a sub that exudes strength and control in his daily life isn't like felling a tree. Rather, it is more like feeding and nurturing it.

(Slipping off topic, but he is on My mind this evening. )

Val

[Athenna]

:Grin: I say the same about my submissive. He's strong as a rock, but sizzles melts when i touch... (Shucks! i miss him, he is outta my hands reach for a while )

Its totally about how free we are with each other that he, without any misconceptions surrender his self to me, and that makes it so beautiful. Yep there are times when he is behaving like a brat and he does that solely knowing i love to tame him down , and its a damn superb power trip after i subdue him.

May be thats the same power surge a dominant male is trying to feel when he thinks he can tame me, and he thinks that it would be so much of fun, one of the best power trips. eh, what he doesnt get it that in previous scene there is an inherent emotion : Consent!! And that gives me the power to tame him in first place.

And the Dominant male doesnt see that probably!!!

AconitE.

[Barton]

Or perhaps some men believe unconditionally that a woman's place and a woman's needs can only be fulfilled as subbie? Hence, they feel a need to teach some of us renegade women a lesson or two.


Val

Barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen. Like I said a poser.

[Finding_Fantasy]

I feel that just because you are a Dominant that does not mean another Dominant won't find you attractive or desirable. I would take it as a compliment.

On the other hand, it may be a vain attempt to boost the ego of the male Dominant. If he can "break" the will of a female Domianant, then perhaps he would feel that he could tame anyone? Just a thought. I also know (from watching) that some male dominants feel threatened by female dominants, that their masculinity is threatened or something of the sort, especially if he is only interested in the female of the species. If the male is a chauvanist, it may spur him on further.

Just a thought. (This in no way reflects on any of the Domiannts here)

[Mobius]

I feel that just because you are a Dominant that does not mean another Dominant won't find you attractive or desirable. I would take it as a compliment.

On the other hand, it may be a vain attempt to boost the ego of the male Dominant. If he can "break" the will of a female Domianant, then perhaps he would feel that he could tame anyone? Just a thought. I also know (from watching) that some male dominants feel threatened by female dominants, that their masculinity is threatened or something of the sort, especially if he is only interested in the female of the species. If the male is a chauvanist, it may spur him on further.

Just a thought. (This in no way reflects on any of the Domiannts here)

I would think in a M/F relationship of Dominance submishing being a chauvanist would be a prerequasit?
But then again being a dom it would be more fun having the sub open the door, pick up the check,Clean the house,etc. So I gues I am wrong.

[Finding_Fantasy]

But then again being a dom it would be more fun having the sub open the door, pick up the check,Clean the house,etc. So I gues I am wrong.

You;re not wrong, Mobius, if that is what you prefer and find desirable in a d/s relationship. It's your preference and, therefore, makes it right, for you that is