Do you know what? I'm starting to see the light through the clouds now. My heart, after much soul searching has started to pull itself together. I know it seems but a day ago that I wrote that first post, but I am a great beleiver in self-preservation. I know I'm not over it by a long shot, and I knwo I've still got a lot of recovering to to. However, life at home has been, how shall we say it, somewhat interesting, and it has put my problems into perspective slightly.

Aside from that, I was down the pub last night, propping up the bar on my own when in comes and old mate. We sat chatting for a whil, and I was completly absorbed in the conversation. It wasn;t until I left the pub that I felt empty again. It's shown me that life does go on, and whilst I'm always going to miss him, he is around to be my friend, which is all he is willing to give, therefore I must accept it and move on. I can;t see us being very close freinds at the moment, my feelings are still far too strong and raw for that. However, in time, I guess it will be easier to talk to him without wanting to cry.

I have a date in a few days with a completely vanilla (as far as I know) man. I know people have advised that I stay away from men for a litle while, not going for the rebound, but I decided it was time I got back on the horse. I'm not expecting to find a replacement for Ally, but a little bit of gentelmanly affections are always welcome. Besides, I may convert him to the world of kink, or maybe, just maybe, I'll try being vanilla for a while. I'm not sure how I'll cope with that, and I'll most defnately come back here everyday for my kinky fix, but we'll shall see how it progresses. Hell, I may not even jump straight into bed with this one, it'd be a first!

Thank you for all your kind comments and advice, and thank you for letting my spill my heart out on here and through PM's to certain members. As people have said, it's hard, when most people don;t understand the dynamics to the relationship, I know you guys do. I also know that some of you are going through simmilar exeperiences. Just like you have supported me, I shall support you if and when the need arrises.

I know that I haven;t made much of a contribution to these forums, but I come and read everyday, however, with the input from you guys, I rarely feel I have anything to add to the discussion. Thank you for making me feel apart of this though.