Dear diary,

Dear God in heaven! What was that I drank? After a particularly long binge on the JD I found some coffee in one of the girl's lockers. I like coffee, although too much tends to send me places where no headmaster should dare to tread...

Anyway, the coffee was obviously excellent as it was labeled "Colombian Gold Finest" It did taste a bit odd, was a strange colour and smelt unlike any other coffee I've ever tasted before. This I put down to the 5 bottles of JD that preceeded it.

Then-wallop. Bloody lizards everywhere! Walls, celing, outside and up my gown. I don't remember much, but have odd thoughts and half-remembered memories of some pretty weird shit.

Now I'm back-and guess what? A bloody inspection due! look at this:

My Dearest Director of Slothlands

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To Whom it May Concern:

This is to notify you that the department of Health and Sexual Services is planning a visit to your Academy of higher learning within the next fortnight. Please be aware that we intend to inspect your grounds, your classrooms, your cafeteria and expecially your meat. As the head of the department I shall conduct the meat inspection myself.

Yours in Cleanliness,

Dhyanna Cervantes


Holy Carruthers!

What do I do next? Well, there seems to be only one person who can help-Ted. He appears to be engaged in some odd stuff of his own, though.

OK. Pull yourself together, Ed Master.

First things first.

STAND UP THAT GIRL WHO BROUGHT THAT COFFEE INTO MY SCHOOL!