Must-have traits of a dom

[phantasy_seeker]

Very true, nothing ever beats experience. But surely you would not advise a submissive to not even consider a potential dom if he had no prior experience?

[angelfreak]

Wow, this is a great subject.

For me...he has to be trustworthy. I guess that goes with honesty.

Of course, self-control is a big thing for a Dom as well as a sub. If we can't control ourselves, how do we expect to effectively control or be controlled by another?

Patience is another. Speaking for myself, I can be a handful. I forget things, I can get attitudes of 'self' where I can start to feel a tad...put out...that I don't get to do what I want to do when I want to do it. (Probably because I've never had anyone dictating my activities for the majority of my life until I met Master.) But, when a sub gets those attitudes or does anything that tried a Dom's patience, not having them jump all over you and beat you down about it goes a long way in being able to learn from it.

Speaking for myself...tenderness is a good trait for a Dom to have, especially my Dom. I'll be honest...I don't like to play all the time. I love having the 24/7 D/s dynamic, but sometimes I just want to cuddle on the couch with Master and watch a movie, feeling him running his fingers through my hair rather than be strapped to the bed and flogged. That's why Master and I fit so well together because he likes that, too. And, going along with tenderness, considering how important aftercare is, if the Dom doesn't have tenderness, the aftercare will be extremely lacking.

Well, that's my two cents. I'm sure I could think of some more if I really tried. I'm interested to see what others have to say. I hope you find what you're looking for phantasy_seeker.

[TomOfSweden]

Very true, nothing ever beats experience. But surely you would not advise a submissive to not even consider a potential dom if he had no prior experience?

I would definitely advise a inexperienced sub to avoid an inexperienced Dom. It's not really my place to give advice for an experienced sub, and I doubt she'll need it. I'll just leave it at that. I think that the major problem is that inexperienced Doms generally lie about it, and inexperienced subs haven't learned how to smell them out yet.

My advice to inexperienced Doms is be very honest about any insecurities. If it turns her off, fine. That's better than anybody getting hurt.

[fuktoimaso]

I would definitely advise a inexperienced sub to avoid an inexperienced Dom. It's not really my place to give advice for an experienced sub, and I doubt she'll need it. I'll just leave it at that. I think that the major problem is that inexperienced Doms generally lie about it, and inexperienced subs haven't learned how to smell them out yet.

My advice to inexperienced Doms is be very honest about any insecurities. If it turns her off, fine. That's better than anybody getting hurt.

Tom of Sweden...I agree with you, great points.

[vistana]

I would definitely advise a inexperienced sub to avoid an inexperienced Dom. It's not really my place to give advice for an experienced sub, and I doubt she'll need it. I'll just leave it at that. I think that the major problem is that inexperienced Doms generally lie about it, and inexperienced subs haven't learned how to smell them out yet.

And my experience was almost entirely with a totally inexperienced Dom while I was a totally inexperienced sub. And was for the most part pretty damn fantastic. this wasn't seeking out a Dom though, it was starting to do BDSM with the guy I was dating. And we did have the advantage of knowing eachother inside and out... we were also totally inexperienced with everything from kissing up when we started dating. So we may not have known what we were doing, but he knew my reactions inside and out. I would be hesitant with a Dom who was inexperienced in BDSM and with me, but it's far from a deal-breaker.

There's a big difference between an inexperienced Dom and a lying Dom.

As for my list, I don't think I'll say anything more than I need to feel a connection. I need to enjoy spending time with him and he has to make me want to submit.
There are lots of other good qualities, but it'd be terribly hypocritical of me to insist that a Dom needed to be a superb communicator, 100% honest, since I'm absolutely appalling at it myself...
If we feel that connection we'll figure out the other stuff.