Quote Originally Posted by Katmandu
...BTW, Kitten and Nikka, you sound as though you speak from experience?
Yes indeed, Katmandou I have been there. I know how frustrating it is to want to give more of yourself. More submission, more pain, tears, blood, more freedom.

F., my boyfriend has been very frank explaining his point of view. It was very hard for him too, because he wanted to make me happy, because he loves me, because he was afraid of unleashing an uncontrolable sadistic instinct. He was also afraid of what would happen to my mind and to our love if he did not break me as thoroughly as I wanted him to.

It took time. It took long talks. It took an unbelievable amount of trust on both our parts. Slowly, tentatively he pushed more and more. Some days he left me frustrated, angry, even. I could tell he was making the effort but I was too greedy. Yet I endured both the temporary disatisfaction and my own anger towards that masochistic side of myself that was making me push him out of his comfort zone.

Finally one night he took the leap. I almost could not recognize him. The way he spoke to me, the way he tortured my body; most importantly, the way he just took me, used me for his pleasure, the way he did not ask me if I was OK afterwards. It was what I wanted. The way the pain and the pleasure melded into a blinding sheet of white raw sensation...

I am sorry... I have gotten wet just remembering that night...

When it was all done he waited about half an hour to talk to me again. And I saw him, my lover, eyes full of tears, smiling ear to ear, knowing that for just a little while he had made me his the way I wanted to give my self to him.

He loves me too much to treat me like that 24/7. But when we play I know that he will use me and take me and that I am his total slave. We still have safewords and I feel loved and respected. Used and broken yes, but safe in his arms, his rope and his chains.

Quote Originally Posted by Katmandou
...So, do any of you other slaves out there cry? How do I reassure my Master that he can (should!!) go much further, despite my responses??
I love to cry. and moan. And scream. He used to doubt my limits, but slowly, with practice, he learned to trust my capacity to safeword if I really needed it. He can tell that if I still have one little shred of control he can still hurt me a little bit more. But I guess what really convinced him was the way I need to be fucked afterwards. The way I beg him to do me when I have been really taken to the limit is unmistakeable. He knows it and let me tell you he loves it. I see to 'reward him' if he was really good (bad) to me.