Quote Originally Posted by Driveslikeagirl
We as a society LOVE to "blame the victim" of any crime or unfortunate circumstance. By rationalizing to ourselves that bad things happen to people because they either asked for it, or somehow deserved it, gives us the illusion of control. After all (the false reasoning goes), if the victim somehow asked for it or deserved it, then all WE have to do to protect ourselves from something awful happening to US, is to simply not "ask for it".

It is much more psychologically comforting for people to blame the victim, than to admit that they are just as vulnerable to becoming a victim themselves.
This is such an interesting and thought provoking post, and one to which i have given some thought since you posted it. Whilst i think you have a point about society loving blaming victims in order to lull themselves into some false sense of security (although i had never thought of it as clearly as that)..i believe it does so in an acknowledged less than perfect world. This is to say that i would like to think that no human being would ever blame someone who had suffered an assault…but what they rather mean or are referring to is a duty of care/responsibility to our own selves in an infinitely nasty world. It’s like these fools who say that if women dress provocatively and flirt with people, that they were ‘asking’ to be raped..this is clearly complete and utter nonsense, no one asks to be raped, if they did, then they’re not raped (and if they didn’t consent to it, then they were raped)…i rather think what they mean though is that they were a ‘target’. Don’t get me wrong, it is nothing short of a disgrace that people who have no respect for others and who don’t feel a flicker of guilt about violating their human rights, essentially dictate how we behave, but sadly, they do. Equally, it is nonsensical and cruel to suggest myri in ANY way ‘asked’ to be assaulted upon asking for someone, in a BDSM chat room, to go to the cinema with her and then, in all innocence, telling him where she lived; but i really do tend to think they are referring, albeit in a clumsy, highly inappropriate way, to a horrible duty of care with which we have been lumbered.

Quote Originally Posted by Driveslikeagirl
But how pathetic is it to find a person like your acquaintance, who would rather further victimize a crime victim with such hurtful words and accusatory behavior, than admit that sometimes bad things happen to good people. I suppose such cruelty and utter self-delusionment is a luxury of someone who has never been a victim of an unfortunate event themselves.
Unfortunately, i have suffered (I hate the word ‘victim’) such an ‘unfortunate event’, so i don’t speak with absolutely no understanding of the subject. i believe i could have avoided the situation. i do not mean this in some strange ‘i blame myself’ manner, and it annoys the shit out of me that i should even have to modify anything about myself, for fear that someone ‘gets the wrong idea’, he would still likely have done it at some point..just not to me, and not at that time…and basically, that’s the best we can hope for.

i do not want this post to be taken in any way to mean i personally hold myri responsible; hell, i DON’T, she (you!) are not to blame, no one who suffers such an attack is. i am merely trying to draw a distinction between people being cruel enough to ‘blame’ someone in an effort to have a cosy view of the world..and people essentially facing the gritty reality.

Oh, also, anyone who even so much as implies that not fighting back means you ‘asked’ for it..is talking complete crap, plain and simple, be you a submissive or not, it’s nonsense.

Love and hugs to you myri.

sl