Thank you...

AndrewBlack, I don't think he's depressed. I'm the first to know when he feels under the weather. He seems to be perfectly happy, and happy to be with me, but not for me to serve him anymore. On the contrary, it seems like he's wanting me to get more dominant as he wants me to make every little decision. I'm happy to do that, but only if I can balance it out. It makes me feel so guilty.

spike..um..well..
*goes red in the the face*

I don't want to worry him. I've told him briefly that I had some bad stuff in the past, but I don't think he'd want to hear me prattering on about details. If he wanted to know, he'd ask, right? I'm not going to push it onto him. That kind of stuff is taboo. I don't like talking about it and certainly no one wants to hear about it so I need to just be mature and forget about it.

He doesn't know that I associate with other people in bdsm. I'm embarassed to tell him.

There's no way I can bring up the issue from this post with him. How can I say that without turning it around to be about my needs instead of his? If I tried to bring it up, it would just be me blubbering that I'm not good enough and he'd say "there there" and nothing would be accomplished except that I'd be annoying.

Maybe I'm even worse than I thought. But if he wants to know something, then surely he'll ask. I don't want to be talking about myself all the time. What would I say?