Distraught, despair and depression!

[GaryWilcox]

How do you cope?

You take one day at a time. Set a plan, set goals for yourself, and carry them out. Give yourself half the duration of the relationship before you even consider dating. Get a pet. Don't fester indoors-- go outside and do something you never did before, each chance you get.

Pack up all the reminders into two piles, the good and the not so good, and put the good stuff on top of the not so good stuff, so it's always at the bottom of the pile.

Feel as bad or as good as you need to. Cry a lot if it helps. Laugh if it helps, too.

I prescribe movies to my friends after break-ups, and my personal favorite is "Say Anything". Just seems to help me.

[slavelucy]

Ack, that sucks. And, i can understand how you feel, i won't go on about it here though, i PM'd you.

One thing - try not to hit the bottle, the hangovers will make you feel worse and physically crappy..which in turn will make you more down. i can also understand that not having anyone to whom you're close know about your submission makes it v difficult to make anyone understand that it's about a little more than just splitting up with a boyfriend. (er..not that THAT'S not bad enough). And that's what we're here for...*smiles*

Anyway, like i said, i PM'd ya...if you want to reply and chat, feel free, if you don't feel like it, that's fine too.

sl

[BabySub]

Oh hun. ::hugs::

I have to agree with sl, please don't turn to alcohol. That's not a good path to take, and WILL make you feel worse. People have already said what I would have, so all I can say now is to talk about it. Use this thread, pm's, IM's, r/l, anything.. but you need to talk (and all the rest)

Baby, (who wants to hug you tightly.)

[ValKyrie]

It may feel like the carpet has been pulled from beneath your feet, but that feeling will only last a little while. Now is the time to focus on specific and productive goals and to pay some attention to you.

Do things that make you feel good and keep you well and healthy.
Posting here and writing about those feelings and your days, as you slowly get back on your feet may be the biggest support.

It is difficult to go through a break up when you can't openly discuss the dynamics of the relationship you are mourning.

And ditto on the "rebound" Dom. Depending on how you interprate BDSM into your life, you may feel you need to go find another Dom to help you keep focussed and to bring that structure and stability you have had and may crave. Don't do it.


Bring those things to yourself by setting small goals and taking care of at least one thing a day.

Playing is fine, but let those wounds heal on their own without using another Dominant as medicine for the heart.

Many hugs to you,
Val

[NiceMaster]

Well I am sure it's hard on you ,but You will recover.
Just don't jump in and try to find a new master right away.
Give yourself time and even if you can't handle it without him just get back together or you will keep tortouring your soul.

[NaturalSub]

Thanks for all your kind comments and advice.

I think it's wise to say, that whilst I am drun as I write this, it is not a permenant drunken stupor that I am in. I've simpole had a few too many down the pub having a laugh.

The comment about drinking my sorrows away, was made in jest. I know drinking ain;t the answer, and as I said, I can't cope with the hangovers.

But, i have to say, he was my first 24/7 master, and we were together for a very long time, even when he was away for months on end, I still had a structure to my life, he set me tasks and punishments, and it worked damn it! Now, i kind of have nothing.

There is a guy who i've been friends with for a long time. Knows I don;t want a relationship per say but he does want to play a bit, so I guess i'll give that a go, not as a serious master slave thing, but at least something where I can feel like I want to. My submissive side needs feeding, I;m far to miserable to take control of the rest of my life, so until the pet gets fed, i'm pretty much screwed.

I kind of irks me though, all my future plans were focused around him. I qualify at the end of June, and it was the intention that I move to where ever he is posted and focus on my carrer there, obviously, thats changed now, so not quite sure what or where i'm going to go now.

Anyway, the alcohol is making it hard for me to type a full sentence, so I think I'm gonna sign off now and try and get some much needed sleep.

Thanks again

Laura

[craftygirl]

Nothing much I can say that hasn't been said already, but *big hugs* for you, and good luck. I'm sorry things came about the way they did.

[Donatien]

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Thanks for all your kind comments and advice.

I think it's wise to say, that whilst I am drun as I write this, it is not a permenant drunken stupor that I am in. I've simpole had a few too many down the pub having a laugh.

The comment about drinking my sorrows away, was made in jest. I know drinking ain;t the answer, and as I said, I can't cope with the hangovers.

But, i have to say, he was my first 24/7 master, and we were together for a very long time, even when he was away for months on end, I still had a structure to my life, he set me tasks and punishments, and it worked damn it! Now, i kind of have nothing.

There is a guy who i've been friends with for a long time. Knows I don;t want a relationship per say but he does want to play a bit, so I guess i'll give that a go, not as a serious master slave thing, but at least something where I can feel like I want to. My submissive side needs feeding, I;m far to miserable to take control of the rest of my life, so until the pet gets fed, i'm pretty much screwed.

I kind of irks me though, all my future plans were focused around him. I qualify at the end of June, and it was the intention that I move to where ever he is posted and focus on my carrer there, obviously, thats changed now, so not quite sure what or where i'm going to go now.

Anyway, the alcohol is making it hard for me to type a full sentence, so I think I'm gonna sign off now and try and get some much needed sleep.

Thanks again

Laura

Carl Jung once said that giving good advice rarely causes any harm as so few people take any notice! However--

As children we learn to defend ourselves agaInst hurt lest we be annihilated, and the tricks we develop to do this can become a prison constraining our further development. So, the most important learning for us all in adult life is THE ART OF BEING UPSET CONFIDENTLY, in that being confident that we shall survive we can begin to discard some of our more primitive defences as redundant.

Every crisis in life is like a fork in a road. If you respond as you have always done you learn nothing new and take the downhill route;that is until you pause, reflect and take stock on all that you have learnt till now. Let your unconscious mind marinate on this, while to you indulge your conscious mind and feelings with a good wallow(this part may seem familiar, but what you can add is to decide whether you will have a 5 day, 5 hour, or 5minute wallow). The crisis can now now be seen more as a personal growth challenge and learning opportunity. You find yourself taking steps on the upward route to becoming wiser and stronger, as some of the old defences seem increasingly redundant.

Happy? Well that should follow later. As someone once said about LUCK ;
It is only appreciated and embraced by the prepared mind.

So, my best wishes and good luck! Donatien