Quote Originally Posted by UncleFester
I appreciate the help. It's strange that she won't talk about it.
I think you put your finger on it right at the start when you said "she wants to be pushed around but she doesn't want to be responsible". One of the strongest reasons for people turning sub is to escape the weight of responsibility and have someone else make the decisions in bed - and if the decision is to hurt and humiliate them, that just makes it all the more enjoyably clear that they're not in control. This is why so many subs are strong-minded or even total control freaks in vanilla life.

And one of the tricky bits of this is that it pretty much rules out her asking for what she wants: if she has to tell you what to do, she's still charge, no matter how many times she calls you "Master". (My very first sub girlfriend came to me because she was fed up with telling her steady boyfriend how to dominate her.) So you have to find ways that she can either say what she wants without it sounding like a request, or be "forced" to say it.

I'm afraid this doublethink is all part of the wonderful world of D/s! But it's worth it when you get it right.