Abused

[Jadetiger]

i lived with thoughts of suicide and grief but there is an old saying that saved me: Yyou have the choice to get up and move on or to sit in your own shit and smell it forever." and of course one of my famous sayings: "it is Oour duty to fall down in life and Oour choice to stand up again"

Bug, I love your outlook on life.

Tthey get Yyou' kinda attitude. for a long time i had evaded these thoughts thinking i was sick for wanting to be tortured to get off but i am no longer surpressed by Ttheir views *w*

I have realized even after all this time that my experience with rape has keep me from being me. I am not driven by what other people think but by my own thoughts. I am no longer satisfied with suppressing my desire or need.

It seems that allot of woman have rape and abuse fantasy's.

I can only answer for myself. I fantasize about rape because I can control every aspect of what happens to me. Even when it looks like I am not in control, nothing will happen to me that I do not want. It is a fantasy and has nothing to do with actual rape. Rape is a brutal thing that can destroy a person’s mind and soul. Unless you experience it, there is no way to describe the damage it can cause. But like Bug, I believe you can let it control you for the rest of your life or you can move on. I have choose too more on. Do I trust anyone enough to play out my fantasy in real life. No, I am afraid at this point I am not that brave or trusting, but I will continue to have these naughty fantasies about being taken against my will.