TaintedJohn,
First of all you are not pathetic! You were lied to and because you love your wife so much you chose to believe her, instead of facing the truth. This does not make you pathetic IMHO...it makes you a man who is willing to try to hold on to the one he loves, but never, ever pathetic! Also, having submissive desires does not make you pathetic either, it just makes you perhaps a switch??
I am very sorry she hurt you. No one deserves to be hurt, but unfortunately, if we are never hurt, then we will not realize the true bliss of love when it does come our way! Know you are cared for by someone you don't even know, hold your head high and do your best to move forward!
Best of luck sug!

Hugs
~ltp~