Quote Originally Posted by jadeslave
The things i am talking about include self harm and just general things that i know he wouldn't like. i hate it, i just find myself doing them and not being able to stop. i need him and he's not there.
I would recommend seeing a counselor as soon as you possibly can. This statement alone is indicative of numerous problem in your personal life, not the least of which appears to be a severe lack of self-esteem. A counselor or therapist can help you with that. Just be sure and find one that's kink-friendly.

Remember, BDSM is not therapy, nor is it even a good substitue for therapy. If something is broken in your life, then I always suggest fixing it BEFORE entering into a relationship, because the relationship itself isn't going to fix it. You have to do that yourself.

I would suggest finding a hobby or exercising.