Quote Originally Posted by abitbent
Everytime i read about the possibilites of introducing a vanilla partner to the lifestyle it makes me a little nervous. No doubt, that if in Shred's current relationship with his vanilla partner, he can find happiness and compatibility, then he'd be truly blessed. What often gets overlooked however, is that in my experience, there are two kinds of people that are drawn to this lifestyle. Those who's sexuality is hardwired and can't help but seek fulfilment from it, and those who enjoy the fun and play that the lifestyle brings, and are here out of choice.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with either, because bdsm is an amazing lifestyle that is here for all to enjoy. However the possibility exists, that Shred just may be a hardwired submissive man, and although "play" with this professional may seem to quench is kinky thirst, he may find that there's a deeper need that can't come from play alone. A need that can only come from a partner who shares the same wiring. A partner that needs to be dominant, just as much as he needs to be submissive.

It certainly would be better for all involved, if he and his vanilla wife could find common ground and to be happy for the rest of thier lives, but sometimes i think trying to encourage hardwired lifestyle folk to "work things out" with their vanilla partners can create a sense of false hope. If their sexualities are not compatible, then failure of the relationship is imminent.

It's like saying to a gay man that's married to a straight woman... perhaps if you introduce it to her slowly, she might start dressing up as a male for you when you have sex. It's just not the same.

The truth is, it all depends on how Shred is wired. It could very well be that his relationship with his vanilla partner will work out just fine and both parties will be happy... however the possibility does remain that a relationship with a vanilla woman just may leave him emotionally unfulfilled.

It's a long process of self discovery Shred.. good luck with it.. it's not easy.

bent
I really don't know if I am hardwired that way or not. Definitely like the to play. Dont think I could be a 24/7 sub or cuckold - I think that is too much for me.
The experience I just had was great without a doubt. But I think I can keep it compartmentalized.
My current girlfriend is willing to play. In fact we have done some things in the past but she does not have a true dominant nature. I wanted to experience 100% submission to a true domme.
I don't want to screw up my relationship so I am going to put work into it and find some common ground and I think she will be up for it.
But I will have to admit if I was not in a current relationship - I think I would have been open to hooking up with the domme I experienced. It was not simply the power exchange or the particular experience I had that attracted me - but also her intelligence and personality - just the kind of person she was. We fit both mentally and physically. But I have to let it go.
Better to keep it filed away in my experience drawer rather than try to draw it out to a full blown relationship and ruin what I have had for the last 10 years!