Athenna,

There are flourishes of tour native langauges in your writing. May I suggest that is not a fault, but that it can add even more interest to the story. Rather than have all of your personality edited our, and reducing it to a vanilla us/english, I recommend that you simply add a sentence or two saying that english is a second language and saying what your language is. I think the story would also be very fun to hear spoken in englist with the accent of your native language.