I'm so sorry you feel this lonely, s. Is there a warm, physical person whom you could just hug? People don't know what to do for the best and are afraid of doing the wrong thing, treating you as too fragile. Seek out someone and just let them hug you. You'll feel better for it, I'm sure.

I'm so sorry too that you feel plagued with need for a Master. I'm guessing this is just the wrong time for such yearnings, made all the worse by your current sadness and loneliness. Sometimes when I am distracted by worry or trouble I symbolically put it apart from me - wrap it up in your mind and 'put' it aside in a box. It's still there and you can go back and worry about it any time you choose (and if you do succumb it's easily 'put aside' again) but this way, you can control the way worry and distress can overwhelm you and allow yourself a little distance and peace.

My most precious memories of my dad's last days were the little times, the small gestures, the little intimacies I had with him, when I had been able to put aside my worries and concentrate on the grace and peace of those days.

And in the meantime your desire for your Master is resting safely in that box. The time will come when you can let those yearnings soar and make the connection you desire and deserve, s.

I wish you and mother peace and joy in these days.

Pearlgem x x x x x x x