Looking for doms advice

[dzire2pleeze]

I have to disagree with that one unless you are indeed willing to give her up. Don't make empty threats.

I'd suggest letting her masterbate, indeed insist on it... but forbid her her orgasm. Make her masterbate in front of you, take her to a restaurant and make her masterbate under the tablecloth, in the car in the parking lot. I'm sure you can come up with other ideas.

If she comes, she gets punished. Punishment could include loss of the use of her hands (cuffs, and/or binders) for the length of the punishment period... during which time you keep her aroused and unsatisfied, alternated with any of the following... spanking/flogging/singlewhip/caning.

All the while you will be educating her to the fact that nagging is unbecoming and not to be tolerated.

Forced orgasms are, in my opinion, a reward for nagging. Save this for some other type of transgression... say... if she refuses one of your orders.

~bows to the great oz~

i almost always agree with cariad. as a matter of fact, this is possibly the first time i've disagreed with her. to me a threat such as, "do it or else i leave you" borders on emotional abuse. maybe i misunderstood or misread, but denying someone your attention is like locking a child in a dark closet without talking to them for a day.

this time the great oz gets my kudos. i like your style.

[Tojo]

Me make empty threats?

Step out here & say that bud!

Yes of course you have to mean it- but what kind of a relationship do you have otherwise?


Tojo

[cariad]

~bows to the great oz~

i almost always agree with cariad. as a matter of fact, this is possibly the first time i've disagreed with her. to me a threat such as, "do it or else i leave you" borders on emotional abuse. maybe i misunderstood or misread, but denying someone your attention is like locking a child in a dark closet without talking to them for a day.

this time the great oz gets my kudos. i like your style.

I completely agree with you d2p. I would never suggest or support the use of a threat, and I am sorry that I did not make that more clear in what I initially posted. The punishment which was given to me was simply a withdrawal of the privilege of being his submissive for a known period of time. He did not withdraw his love or affection from me during that time; we just had a painfully vanilla relationship.

But your point is well made, and denying someone your attention is a painful experience for both parties. Whilst I hope I would never ever shut a child a dark closet for even 5 seconds, I would insist that they take five minutes 'out time' whilst they are excluded from participating in what is happening. I always see 'corner time' as the same. It is a short time on my own; to collect my thoughts and appreciate what is important to me.

What happened in the incident I mentioned with myself was a transition between enjoying submissive activites, and truly being so. It took a very wise man to see that, and I will always be grateful to him for it.

I am sure that Tojo also did not see his suggestion as a threat, merely a statement of fact. If you behave like this then we cannot continue to have a D/s relationship. Again only the sort of thing which would stated in an extreme situation. But I will leave that for him to comment on. (edit - he has already done so whilst I was writing this.)

I see nagging as a very destructive behaviour in any relationship, and in a D/s one I believe that it is subversive attempt to top from the bottom, and as such should be dealt with accordingly. Hence my suggestion.

But having once been told that what people remember in anything that you write is the first and last paragraph, I wish to reiterate what you say about threats and although there may occasionally be times when it is appropriate to deny attention, this should only be done in an obviously loving and supportive way.

cariad

[cookiecat]

I.
What happened in the incident I mentioned with myself was a transition between enjoying submissive activites, and truly being so. It took a very wise man to see that, and I will always be grateful to him for it.
cariad

This has been a very enlightening thread and I just had to stop and take pause at this comment. It is that a-ha moment - the light bulb going off, so to speak. cariad, i always appreciate reading your posts and for me, this one spoke to me. The difference between playing sub and being submissive.

Thanks, cookiecat

ps.... was going to go to bed to really think this over; however, my mind keeps skipping back to Oz's post and somehow think i might be dreaming about that restaurant.

[Ozme52]

ps.... was going to go to bed to really think this over; however, my mind keeps skipping back to Oz's post and somehow think i might be dreaming about that restaurant.

I'm available for consults....