Online you or offline you?

[mel23]

Ohhhh, for me in r/l i am shy and way to busy to go anywhere or really do anything besides what involves the horses. I kind of let myself go and have fun in the chat room to take my mind off things, especially when i am really busy and need a lift up. However, in real life, i don't act up and have a serious side to me. I try not to offend anyone and the ones i do goof around with i always ask them first if they mind. I feel its better that way then have people get annoyed or hurt with my actions. Doing what i do and some of the stuff that i see this is the only way that i can get my mind off of things and stay somewhat sane, and because i have a big commitment to the horses many of my r/l friends have left me due to the fact that i don't wan't to go out and party with them and such, so really besides the horses, the kids, and my dad along with the people that i go to and get the horses from that's the only communication i have outside of the chat room.

[thir]

Good morning, thir.
The topic is interesting but the research, I fear, is incredibly boring (even to other researchers). Disinhibition can be good, called "benign disinhibition," and it tends to be studied in settings like on-line support groups for the survivors of cancer or domestic abuse. Researchers look at how quickly and how extensively participants open themselves up there, compared with their experience in in-person group therapy. Disinhibition can be bad, normally just labeled "aggression," and it tends to be studied in online discussion groups, chatrooms and Facebook. A lot of this comes up in older discussions of "flame wars" and newer ones of cyberbullying.

I see. What might also be interesting is if you could compare less intense situations with online ones.

Most of what's easily available online either just summarizes Suler's essay, is not very good (there's a bad Wikipedia article on the topic) or is really technical. Adam Joinson wrote a pretty readable book chapter that actually looks at the individual threads of the research ("Disinhibition and the Internet" in a book entitled Psychology and the Internet: Intrapersonal, interpersonal, and transpersonal implications (2007). I could probably track down a .pdf of that if you're really curious.

S.

If not a lot of trouble, I am curious.

[thir]

I wonder if anyone has gone further to see what articles they offer - bad Boys of cyberspace - gender switching in cyberspace - personality types in cyberspace - psychology of avatars - cyberspace as dream world - full immersion and f2f isolation - human becomes electric - are some of them.

In short, what are we doing to ourselves - good and bad?

[jem]

Interesting thread. Online me and offline me are both ME. Society dictates that we behave in different ways in different situations. At work I am a manager. A leader. Very focused, driven, strong and will play the 'boss card' as and when needed. I am fiercely independent and I strive to be the most successful person ever! I want to help those I work with. I want to support and I hope to please by doing a good job. At home with my Master I am strong. Determined, driven and hope I make him proud more than I don't with my efforts and my submission. I am honest, I struggle to open up to him at times I blush furiously and struggle to believe in me and I make big fat mistakes. I have a silly, playful streak that drives him to distraction but I strive to respect and honour him. I HATE to disappoint. I struggle within my submission at times and the dreaded demons of the past occasionally haunt me. I am private I have a good circle of friends but not that know the real me as most are work friends and it would compromise my role. Online - well those who know me can decide for themselves if I am the same. I hope I am. I don't pretend to be anything I am not .... I learned early on that acting up or differently doesn't go well for me! I sit and type this and even now still question myself....nice food for thought! Xxxxx

[Solis]

Ah, sweet child, 'tis the deepest question yet. Once upon a time, there was Me and Us and Them. I spent time connected with those close to me (parents, children, friends, teammates, classmates, neighbors) but I also spent a lot of time disconnected. Alone. By myself. Not exactly unreachable, but unreached. On my bike, on trail, in a vegetable garden, in my room, on the porch, accompanied by thoughts, (occasionally) terriers and (often) books. I enjoyed my time with others, but treasured my time without them.

That's not only alien to my young friends, it's horrifying to many of them. They're always connected, always on. The average college student sends and receives over 100 texts a day. The rule is simple: if you receive a text, you've got a minute or two to respond. Any longer and you're either ill or irresponsible. And so when the text signal goes off, everything else gets shoved aside. Everything. Over half of them text while driving. 20% admit to texting during sex. (Okay, so we're better than the Brits: a doubtlessly unreliable 2013 survey showed over half of British women have chosen to answer the phone during sex.) They talk of it in terms of "addiction" (neuro-scientists agree) and the occasional class requirement to give up the internet (which means their phones, too) for a day produces panic and despair. Even the smallest decisions (watch shoppers in the grocery) require affirmation. "Grounding" as a punishment no longer means "stay in the house." It's "hand over your phone." You wonder, how much room does that leave for the development of a "Me"?

Is that automatically and universally bad? Hell no. Too many people would be altogether too alone, trapped by bodies that work poorly, needs that are understood poorly, beliefs that are received poorly. I write, sometimes, and know that folks in rather more than a hundred countries have at least laid eyes on my words. Even here, I share experiences and reflections with folks on at least four continents. I am richer for it but often distracted and sometimes overwhelmed by it. I wonder how those who grew up without the grounding of solitude, without normal disconnection, manage to maintain a "Me" in all the tumult.

Nuts. Rambling on. I'll go oppress the girl now.

Cheers.

S

[Solis]

I am fiercely independent and I strive to be the most successful person ever! I want to help those I work with. I want to support and I hope to please by doing a good job.

That makes a world of sense, by the way. The little research I've seen on subs highlights a perfectionist streak in them, but it's linked to a need to please. Maybe "if I'm perfect, I'm pleasing"? Some of the subs I've known have been exceedingly successful, independent executives and leaders in their professions. They're glad to lead and gladder, it seems, to get home and stop. I'm not sure but I've imagined an analogy to peeling off pantyhose after a long day at the office. They were appropriate at work and they weren't awful ... until you imagine how good it will feel to be rid of them and free.

At home with my Master I am strong. Determined, driven and hope I make him proud more than I don't with my efforts and my submission ... I HATE to disappoint.

Perhaps you are the perfectionist chipmunk were sisters separated at birth? She is glorious in her determination to tolerate no slips on her own part, while uncommonly generous in her refusal to notice mine.

You are, separately and collectively, wondrous.

S.

[jem]

*smiles*. Thank you so much. My Master often says that I have no need to be perfect as I am perfect for him. I love that so much and know he absolutely means it, yet to aim for less than perfect still seems wrong. With all he has given to me the very very least I should do is my absolute best. *smiles*. Your reply really made me smile Solis.1. Thank you xxxx

[Trebor{jem/ly}]

You are perfect for me little one. Your efforts to be the very best you can be never go unnoticed and are always appreciated. You are as real, as honest, as beautiful and as true in both online and offline worlds. Your true self has no need to pretend to be anything more or less. Xxxxx

[WantonOne]

Offline vs online on public forums/chat room - i find i am more reserved in my communication when online as i am apprehensive as to how my options will be taken when they are not softened by my warm smile In RL, i tend to be quite evidence based, my arguments/debates give little weighting to emotional considerations, and i fear i can sound a little harsh when posting and the nuances are lost. i also seem to have a strange sense of humour that often gets missed OL.. Or maybe i misread the appropriateness of making jokes? Either way, the end result is that i try to express very few opinions OL... Which is very unlike me in RL. Ultimately i am here to enjoy myself in the good company of y'all, learn and share experiences, so i just mostly listen rather than risk causing any offence.

A private OLR is very different, even as a submissive, i am myself in every sense and blessed to have been given the freedom to express my views fully within my D/s relationships.

[sm8591]

i like online chats with webcam and to be totally open, that goes easier than when meeting people in group somewhere.