Thank You for your answers.
I would agree with Solis that it is a way of explaining myself. (Being a subbie, that is)

To me the structure inside a D/s relationship was very healing. Not in the beginning of my journey and certainly not up until 15 months ago but the tastes I had up until then hinted at the possiblity of healing.

I found the strict limits and protocol helped me feel safe and secure. It helped my mind to quiten down, knowing there are certain things I don't need to worry about or control. (Read: manipulate).

Before BDSM I had no outlet except making music, then I lost that and had no impetus to find a way around that.
Then I found pain gave me a way to work through stress and my focus on something that was supposed to be healing, became a negative. It was only since finding my 'Him' that pain and my need for it also became controlled and it turned back into a positive.