How do you deal with death?

[Thorne]

Well done, skp2bear. Believe me, that will make things easier for you later.

That's the way I want it for me, too. Let the doc's take what they need for research and cremate the rest.

Again, my deepest sympathies.

[skp2bear]

Update, Mom is eating at least something daily. Looks like she will be with me through the holidays. Many thanks to all of you from the bottom of my heart.

[rosebud]

So wonderful to hear!! Happy for you, hun. Wishing you and mom the best! Hugss

[Pearlgem]

Warm hugs, sk. Hope you and your mum enjoy peaceful days together. We're with you, my darling.

[TheDeSade]

Our prayers are with you here daily. Do remember that the best thing a caregiver can do is to make sure that they take care of themselves.

[skp2bear]

Time for myself has been extremely rare. My desire for a Master to want me is very high now as the end gets closer. I need someone to not be afraid ofme and want to touch me. Being alone feels so very bad now.

[Pearlgem]

I'm so sorry you feel this lonely, s. Is there a warm, physical person whom you could just hug? People don't know what to do for the best and are afraid of doing the wrong thing, treating you as too fragile. Seek out someone and just let them hug you. You'll feel better for it, I'm sure.

I'm so sorry too that you feel plagued with need for a Master. I'm guessing this is just the wrong time for such yearnings, made all the worse by your current sadness and loneliness. Sometimes when I am distracted by worry or trouble I symbolically put it apart from me - wrap it up in your mind and 'put' it aside in a box. It's still there and you can go back and worry about it any time you choose (and if you do succumb it's easily 'put aside' again) but this way, you can control the way worry and distress can overwhelm you and allow yourself a little distance and peace.

My most precious memories of my dad's last days were the little times, the small gestures, the little intimacies I had with him, when I had been able to put aside my worries and concentrate on the grace and peace of those days.

And in the meantime your desire for your Master is resting safely in that box. The time will come when you can let those yearnings soar and make the connection you desire and deserve, s.

I wish you and mother peace and joy in these days.

Pearlgem x x x x x x x

[skp2bear]

Thank you so very much Pearlgem. I have taken your suggestion to heart - and brain. I think maybe this drive is coming from dwelling on the fact that Mom is the last immediate family. So I've put that thought in a box too.

[skp2bear]

Today just after noon Mom started having breathing problems. She has been put on crisis care by hospice and has begun having death rales.

[blythe spirit]

Holds you tight and feels your sadness.

[Thorne]

That's horrible, I know. I remember listening to that. <shudder>

I'm so very sorry. It's terrible to have to go through this at all, but at this time of the year it's even worse.

Just know that you will get through it.

[Pearlgem]

We're with you, s. It's terribly sad but there is a grace and blessing for you to be with your mother now. Let her pass through your tears. Love doesn't die.

God Bless x x

[lucy]

It's horrible to hear that, be good and let your mom go and your tears flow.

*hugs*

[skp2bear]

Lungs are a bit clearer but still unable to take anything in,

[jeanne]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, dear.

[Aibo]

Hello skp2bear

I followed this thread of yours, and at first I had nothing at all to say. For the simple reason that my own mother is in no great shape either. Though she's in a nursery home.
I am unable to be a caretaker myself, due to my uneven working hours, and that she would be left alone, confused as she is.
i feel bad about having to have such an arrangement, but its the only possible.

My thoughts are with you, but also a feeling ..... I wish and hope I will be able to do the same when the times comes for my own mother.

[blythe spirit]

It's horrible to hear that be good and let your mom go and your tears flow.

*hugs*

Is probably the most difficult thing to do, but the dying often hang on and suffer because we are unable to say good-bye.

[skp2bear]

Mother is much weaker now and may have only hours. I can't seem to stop crying for very long.

[blythe spirit]

Hun, I cried for five years after, and still have my moments. Is very, very hard what you're going through.

[skp2bear]

It's the hardest thing I've ever done, blythespirit

[SauvagePouline]

All I can say is that my thoughts and prayers are with you as well. -big hug-

[Pearlgem]

Dearest s, the crying can be heartbreaking, can't it? I remember those tears when my dad died. I remember too they were worse before he died than after. I was crying for my loss, my loss. When your dear mother has gone, s, you will have faced that great loss squarely and come through. Your mother has no need of your tears. She is passing, as we all will. Cry for your loss, dearest s, but please feel the presence, support and love of those here who are with you in compassion and friendship.
God bless you both.
Pearlgem x x x x x x x

[jeanne]

Thinking of you...

[skp2bear]

Mom is breathing better and is awake longer. crisis care will end today for a while. She is still not taking in enough to support life for very long.

[skp2bear]

Mom's lungs are almost totally clear today and she ate for the first time in a week.

[SauvagePouline]

i'm happy she's doing better hun. Lots of love and positive thoughts headed your way

[claire]

So many good replies to your question. My initial reaction was that there is really nothing you can do. You just keep getting up every day and doing what has to be done and very slowly over time it stops hurting so much. Occasionally you will have an hour with out thinking about it and then eventually a whole day might go by. After a long time it is something that just hangs in the background. But now you are dealing with the hardest part the waiting and the watching and not knowing how much longer. Knowing that you have to let her go and that as much as it will hurt, you will be OK. My mother died 18 years ago - it doesn't seem possible that it was that long ago. All I can tell you is some how you survive and eventually you can enjoy life again and your memories of her will always be with you.

[skp2bear]

Just when we thought things were looking up her lungs are filling with fluid again. Hopefully this will dissipate when weather changes after front comes through.

[chalsia]

just now read your thread and my heart simply goes out to you

[skp2bear]

Thankyou Chalsia. Had to give mother morphine agin this morning to ease her pain and anxiety from trying to breathe so hard. Also gave atropine to get fluids out of her lungs. She's quieter now and seems more peaceful but she still opens her eyes when she hears you or feels you touch her.