True Control

[lily27]

Control may be an illusion, but it is real.

I am sorry, but I think I am missing something here. How can something be both an illusion, and reality? It may just be an issue of semantics, but I don't quite get it.

[DJade]

I am sorry, but I think I am missing something here. How can something be both an illusion, and reality? It may just be an issue of semantics, but I don't quite get it.

Control is an illusion (in certain situations). But it is real.

[JimmyJump]

I think you have put things in a nice way. But... I myself feel that, from the moment that you have two people that really care for each other, the symbiosys falls into place almost automatically.

I am a natural leader. In such a way, that I don't even notice it. I speak, and people listen. I do, and people do as I do. Which I don't always like, as I'm more keen on people thinking for themselves and doing as they want to do.


Anyway, from the moment you have a couple, whatever their way of life, there's almost always a leader and a follower. If you do care for each other however, there's always a considerate part that kicks in. Because, consideration is what it's all about, not control or submission.

You must never forget that in a relationship, you are dealing with a person (well, two, at least) and that this person has feelings and the need to express those feelings, whatever the degree of submissiveness.

Like I said, from the moment two people care for one another, there should be this consideration that prevents the dom to take advantage from the sub.

Of course, there's always the dimwitted kind, who seek solace in manipulating, or simply are too friggin' dumb to understand where the lines are. And maybe DJade, you can say that it is for those dimwits that you wrote your kind words, I feel that on that kind of folk, it's just a waste of time.

So, to me it is not about control, self or other, but about being human and showing consideration. Because in all our want to dominate, how harsh that domination may grow, there always has to be kindness involved


JJ

[DJade]

I think you have put things in a nice way. But... I myself feel that, from the moment that you have two people that really care for each other, the symbiosys falls into place almost automatically.

I am a natural leader. In such a way, that I don't even notice it. I speak, and people listen. I do, and people do as I do. Which I don't always like, as I'm more keen on people thinking for themselves and doing as they want to do.


Anyway, from the moment you have a couple, whatever their way of life, there's almost always a leader and a follower. If you do care for each other however, there's always a considerate part that kicks in. Because, consideration is what it's all about, not control or submission.

You must never forget that in a relationship, you are dealing with a person (well, two, at least) and that this person has feelings and the need to express those feelings, whatever the degree of submissiveness.

Like I said, from the moment two people care for one another, there should be this consideration that prevents the dom to take advantage from the sub.

Of course, there's always the dimwitted kind, who seek solace in manipulating, or simply are too friggin' dumb to understand where the lines are. And maybe DJade, you can say that it is for those dimwits that you wrote your kind words, I feel that on that kind of folk, it's just a waste of time.

So, to me it is not about control, self or other, but about being human and showing consideration. Because in all our want to dominate, how harsh that domination may grow, there always has to be kindness involved


JJ

The love and mutual courtesy, respect and trust of which I spoke most certainly encompasses consideration. Same concept, different words. But thanks for your views. Very well put.

[DJade]

I think you have put things in a nice way. But... I myself feel that, from the moment that you have two people that really care for each other, the symbiosys falls into place almost automatically.

I am a natural leader. In such a way, that I don't even notice it. I speak, and people listen. I do, and people do as I do. Which I don't always like, as I'm more keen on people thinking for themselves and doing as they want to do.


Anyway, from the moment you have a couple, whatever their way of life, there's almost always a leader and a follower. If you do care for each other however, there's always a considerate part that kicks in. Because, consideration is what it's all about, not control or submission.

You must never forget that in a relationship, you are dealing with a person (well, two, at least) and that this person has feelings and the need to express those feelings, whatever the degree of submissiveness.

Like I said, from the moment two people care for one another, there should be this consideration that prevents the dom to take advantage from the sub.

Of course, there's always the dimwitted kind, who seek solace in manipulating, or simply are too friggin' dumb to understand where the lines are. And maybe DJade, you can say that it is for those dimwits that you wrote your kind words, I feel that on that kind of folk, it's just a waste of time.

So, to me it is not about control, self or other, but about being human and showing consideration. Because in all our want to dominate, how harsh that domination may grow, there always has to be kindness involved


JJ

And although I do not find it necessary to target a specific audience, perhaps we should everyone afford standard consideration whether we feel it is a waste of time or not.

[thir]

Anyway, from the moment you have a couple, whatever their way of life, there's almost always a leader and a follower.

I have heard this statement before, and must admit I do not quite understand it..I think in most relationships one 'leads' with some things and the other with other things - and some stuff is just decided between the parties.

I would like to hear other views on this, if any are interested.