On Collars

[fetishdj]

It is unfortunate that commitment is a dirty word in the modern day. I think BDSM relationships are simply mirroring the trends in society in general - where even 'til death do us part' is now a temporary thing.

In some ways this is a good thing - old fashioned ideas of marriage and committment can be stifling and sometimes dangerous, especially to women who feel trapped in a loveless marriage. The ability to have a divorce frees many women from domestic abuse and other problems. The same could be applied to a Dom/sub relationship. However, on the other side of the coin, there is the issue of the perception that these 'lifelong' committments are cheapened by the ease of seperation. There may be a compromise, however, the trick being to balance the ease of seperation with the committment behind the original agreement. Not an easy feat, however.

However, one thing I would say is that it should not matter to an individual what society or the lifestyle says about a relationship. What matters is what the people in that relationship say about it. If a collar to you is a wedding ring that must be earned, then make it so. What others choose to do with thier collars is their business and may well be thier loss. Eventually, however, even the most fickle serial monogamist (or even serial polygamist) may find themselves drawn to the need for stability in a relationship.

[cadence]

I've never been a big fan of collars, and I didn't feel a need to solidify a relationship by justifying it in that way.

I have changed my mind though, and I do like our own unique version of the collar

We are poly and do have primary relationships as well. So while I am owned I am always secondary in the relationship.
He wanted something to show ownership, and at first wanted a locking collar to which he had the only key to.
That didn't work for me, and we ended up agreeing on a hood peircing and hanging an ownership tag from that.

I'm pretty happy with it as of now, and it does feel pretty special to me.

[Dejah Thoris]

What matters is what the people in that relationship say about it. If a collar to you is a wedding ring that must be earned, then make it so. What others choose to do with their collars is their business and may well be their loss.

I do try very, very hard to keep that exact thought in mind. We are all of us individuals exploring our own desires. That physical, outward declaration of my devotion and commitment to another person is something I have personally decided to hold in high regard. I expect it will be quite a long time before I am collared. There are so many people here who have 'non-traditional' versions, but every one of them cherished beyond words. Whatever form mine takes, it will be my most prized possession.

Thank you for describing yours, Cadence, I've not heard of that before, and it sounds so lovely!