What we are talking about is individuality here, our individuality our choices will be a huge impact (fortunately AND unfortunately) on the lives of our children. I think the wisest words I've heard are "be there" it's was spiritual inspiration sent to me 19 years ago when my first son was born. Be there. None of us will be perfect parents, we all get to find our way through this maze of guiding another spirit that does not "belong" to us and different tools will be required at different ages. “Be there” has been my mantra with the boys’, be the scout leader, be the little league coach, be the soccer coach, go to the play recitals, orchestra concerts what ever watch them grow. This above all things tells them I matter, my choices matter, who I am matters.

Along with being there are boundaries, I believe this is critical to child development at any age. These boundaries need to be consistent and understandable, not necessarily always agreed upon. It is within reasonable boundaries that children feel safe. Another way children feel safe is in knowing that there is an alpha in the home, guiding and protecting them, if that makes me “DOM” so be it.