Safewords are generally used by those whose practice of BDSM falls under the guiding philosophy of safe, sane and consensual. Those who practice the more permissive philosophy of risk-aware consensual kink or who come from older traditions may abandon the use of safewords, especially those that practice forms of edgeplay or extreme forms of dominance and submission. In such cases, the choice to give up the use of safewords is a consensual act on the part of the bottom or submissive.

It is usually used by the submissive as a way of telling a dominant that they are not used to playing with that things have eaither went too far and need to stop or are getting close to needing to stop, but can be used by all participants in a scene, including tops, dungeon monitors at play parties, and sometimes even observers.

A safeword makes it possible for a bottom to say "No" or "Stop" and pretend as much as he or she wants without really meaning it while still having a safe way of indicating they seriously need the scene to stop. In fact, whenn they originally came out with them this was all they were used for.

Since a scene may become too intense for a submissive partner to remember what the safeword is and or be able to even utter it, the unltimate onis of responsibility for saftey has traditionally lay with the dominant in control of the scene.

In practice commonly the words safeword or red are also used as safewords. They are often the default at many play parties, or respected as a safeword in addition to any negotiated safeword. A dungeon monitor would likely expect either of those words to be respected.

Some partners may also have different gradations of safewords, such as green to mean "Okay" or even "harder" or "more", yellow to mean "slow down" or "stop doing that" without stopping the scene, and red to mean "stop the scene". In this fashion, a dominant partner may ask the submissive partner "What is your color?" to check with a submissive partner without having to stop the scene.

In other circumstances the safeword may not be a "word" at all, which can be useful if the submissive if fully lucid when the submissive is bound and gagged. In these instances a signal such as dropping a bell or a ball, the snapping of fingers, or opening and closing both hands repeatedly or making three clear and rhythmic grunts as a pre-defined signal to stop or otherwise slow down the scene. There is also a convention of tops to put a finger in the "bottom's" hand as a sort of "check in" when the "bottom" has become non-verbal, such as may happen as they reach subspace. In this scenario the "bottom" squeezes the "top's" finger to indicate OK.

A red safeword is only used when one of the partners needs it to end a scene. Many submissive partners may see the use of a safeword as being weak, and will push themselves past their "comfort" zone to please their partner. This may allow a submissive partner to expand their boundaries and learn what they are capable of but may also expose them to risk if they are pushed too far.

Additionally, many dominant partners may interpret the use of a safeword as a failure on their part, i.e., failing to understand body language, to know their partner, or loss of control. This is also why gradations of safewords and/or actions that signify a scene may be becoming too much are commonly used (i.e.,Yellow) so that the partners can safely adjust the scene before crossing boundaries.

It is considered important in many parts of the BDSM community that the use of safewords should remain "no-fault" so that participants feel encouraged to use it if necessary. Discouraging the use of safewords runs the risk of scenes becoming non-consensual, harming trust between partners and potentially damaging to their mental and emotional state.

While many in the current BDSM community consider safewords to be an essential part of safe play, there is a contingent that chooses to occasionally play without using safewords. They rely on the dominant partner to monitor the condition of the submissive partner and stop if necessary, at their discretion. In such circumstances the "bottom" or submissive must have consented not to have control over the duration of the scene in advance; this is often referred to as consensual nonconsent. Also, some people who routinely play with each other may agree to stop using safe words because they know each other's boundaries and are able to read each others' body language well. In any case "consensual nonconsent" is considered a risky and advanced activity by those who are used to reliance upon them.

In any event:


A safeword cannot take the place of common sense.

Relying on a safeword alone to keep you safe is foolishness; it will not help you to avoid dangerous situations in the first place, and it will not help protect you from a careless, unskilled, or malicious partner. It sometimes happens that people believe they are safe as long as they have a safeword, and become lax about the other factors in safety, such as the skill, experience, and attitude of their partner. A safeword is just a tool, and it should not be the only one, or even the main one, you use to keep you safe!

That's what I mean when i say safewords are neither necessary nor sufficient. They are not necessary at all times, such as when engaging in non-D/s play or when engaging in activities with a partner you know extremely intimately; and they are not sufficient, in that they will not always protect you. Used properly, they are a valuable tool, particularly with partners you may not have a great deal of experience with. But they are tools, not religions; don't over-depend on them, and don't assume that you must always use them at all times.

The last thing they should be used for is as some kind of crutch for a dominant wishing to remove the unlitimate onis of resposibility to keep things safe from their own shoulders.

Afterall it is the dominant who is supposed to be in control of the situation at all times in the first place.